FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Sunday, June 28, 2020

Undisclosed Location - After a mysterious total power grid blackout of league facilities soon after the 5th overall pick was officially on the clock, league officials rushed to investigate the problem while they also attempted to reach out to Steelman who had seemingly vanished overnight. Mrs. Irene, his technically-challenged elderly secretary, was completely at a loss to explain the absence of her boss. She frantically left him dozens of messages to no avail. 

A phone call from a federal 202 area code to Irene only further confused the poor lady, as the caller only identified himself as Agent B and said that Steelman was in the custody of federal witness protection after a situation developed with a jury duty appearance and could not be reached. Irene pulled herself together and with her best stern motherliness reprimanded the flummoxed Agent B and demanded that a message be gotten to Steelman concerning the fate of the league, of which the president himself was very eager to see succeed, and hung up in a flourish. Agent B apparently immediately received some calls from people high up in the government to facilitate a secure satellite connection for Steelman to make his choice of team.

"Bunkers suck," Steelman said blithely. "Fortunately these agents saved my life after a run-in with the mob during a routine jury duty. Satellite internet is also pretty terrible. But anyway, here's the deal. These doofus maroons can't scare me away. I don't think they wanted me to move a football team into their area but me and Irene ain't even sweating it."

"With all that said, the mob can suck it and the Halcyon Sports Group is moving a team into Portland, Oregon, all the haters be damned. We're excited about adding the Grizzlies to our roster of successful sports franchises. Yessiree. Steelman out."

*crackle* *pop*

"Oh, and last thing. While Agent B sorts this mess out and the mob comes to their senses, Mrs. Irene will be in charge. Don't mess with her. She's tougher than she looks. Anyway, as soon as this case is over, we'll be putting Portland on the football map. OK, gotta go, Agent B is giving me a very mean look. Bye."

*crackle* *pop* *hiss*

Stepping to the podium, Dan O'Mac strides in. Beard, dad bod, man bun, T-Shirt, shorts, flip flops? What's this guy trying to play at? He's smirking slightly, pulls out a gavel, and raps it on the podium.

Attention one and all, Dan O'Mac here to pass on the breaking news. It's been a fun time negotiating with both the city and the state to buy controlling shares in this team. Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to be bringing the best damn football I can to Manhattan, New York.

Dan pulls a hat out, lets his hair out of his man bun, and puts on a black hat with a gorgeous penguin logo on it on.

Last edited by Dan O'Mac (6/28/2020 9:46 pm)

AltFL Owners & Fans:

It has been an interesting first day of the AltFL Owner Draft. While it didn't go the way that we wanted it to I think that it has show how great our little community has become.  We are blessed with strong mods and passionate users.  I think this is a good time to remind ourselves of why we are here and not to respect the site, the thread, and one another.  For now, the Rugrat team has been taken over by the league.  For the time being I will operate that team as we decide how to proceed. That team will become the 24th pick.  Therefore everyone after the 12th pick will move up one position.  The big winner is Balu who now gets a choice between two teams.  While it was unfortunate what happened today, it isn't the first time that something like this has happened.  Lets recommit ourselves to keeping ourselves in check and we can resume to having fun.  I hope that this can be the end of this discussion and we move on to the rest of the draft! I am glad I didn't do a mock draft because it would have been very wrong.  




 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: 
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Live from the foot of the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum, Gritty stepped to the podium to officially announce that he would be buying a majority stake in the AltFL's Philadelphia Brawlers.  His best friend the Philly Phanatic agreed to become a minority partner.  

This decision officially making Philadelphia the City of Brawltherly Love.  The city is known for living with a snarl.  Fans prefer the player that hustle and grinds to the pretty boy super star.  From Rocky Balboa, to Adonis Creed, Joe Frazier, and Bernard Hopkins to the Minister of Defense, Weapon X, and the Broad Street Bullies Philly is always spoiling for a fight.  And now they get one with the Philadelphia Brawlers.

The Brawlers were always the decision although the temptation of San Antonio was extremely high.  I went with Montreal the first go around - as a fan of the hotbed of hockey.  But when it comes to football, I had to come home.  I want everyone to look at these faces tonight before they go to sleep and remember that they are getting to work right now to win Philly an Alt Bowl. 

*FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE*

Ottawa, ON
June 28, 2020

Today was a special day for Canadian football fans, and a man with a white button-up T-shirt and a tie with a plane pattern printed on it. As part of a social distance party held at the crown jewel of his enterprise, the Prince Phillip Hotel in Ottawa, Hotel Tycoon and AltHL Owner Rick Fetcher announced his purchase of the AltFL’s lone international team, the Toronto Beavers.

“Being as we’ve had so much success with the Terriers, both on and off the ice, we figured we’d expand our endeavors to the sport of Gridiron Football.” He said. “And considering there’s an AltFL franchise right in my own hometown that no one’s bothered to take yet, It was an easy choice for us. We would once again like to thank all of the people at Ice Age Entertainment for working so hard to make Ontario’s sporting dreams reality, and our essential workers on the front lines for putting up with us destroying their stocks of hygiene supplies.” The speech ended there, and Rick left the building as partygoers applauded.

The announcement comes just days after a rumor about Rick agreeing to help fellow AltHL owner Stickman cover up a suspected scandal on Canadian soil in exchange for a few tubs of Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream. Rick denied the rumors, despite being seen with a tub of cookie dough ice cream during the announcement. Stickman has yet to comment on it.

#WeTheNorth #DamGoodFootball

Last edited by ThisIsFine (6/28/2020 11:48 pm)