0001.a the first iteration

The first person to enter the Deuce Portal into the Ligasphere was a woman known simply as O. She appeared as a Prime Defender with Unicorn abilities. She possessed captain materiel qualities and a bright if somewhat stoic exterior. VHS selected her to be the spokesperson for Retroliga affairs. Before VHS could attend to other business, a second person appeared through the portal. A Prime Winger named Danny Heater. A Heavy Shooter with huge knees and tiny arms, Heater didn't even have time to introduce himself before a red light and siren went off, shaking LigaHQ.

Suddenly the holographic form of the second incarnation of Jeff Beezus himself appeared. Bald, short, white, and completely roided out with veins popping out of his neck, Beezus looked every part a megalomaniac. With O and Heater shivering in shame, VHS brashly asked what he was doing there. Beezus, the controlling partner of The World, and acting chairperson over the Tribunal of Five, said that his corporation, Nozama Corp, wanted controlling interest in the new enterprise. VHS was brash once again and steadfastly refused until Beezus threatened to Trojanmule the Deuce Portal. VHS agreed to give 33% of Retroliga to Nozama for their cooperation and coding framework support and Beezus would be granted a controlling interest in the flagship franchise along with minor interest in two others. Since he had made regular steroid use mandatory during his reign after becoming a roiddict, Beezus wanted naming rights as well, fully intending to promote his corporate brand of personal roids.

Beezus was interrupted by an annoying bleep-bleep on his bPhone and it was the T5 calling. Six people ruled The World, each getting a 7-year turn. The other five populated the Tribunal and made decisions on technology when the chairperson was too roided out to communicate. The leader of the pack, and presumptuous next-in-line (NIL) was Nole Skum, a weasel of a humanoid with zero morals and a duplicitous face. Half-brother-cousins Poot N. Czuchs and Mark Z. Czuchs spent most of their time feeding each other information and android delicacies while invading the privacy of World Citizens. Donny Orange spent most of his time on social media and playing golf in the Sinkhole of Flo Rida when he wasn't firing people and sparking insurrections. Lastly, Mae Ganmarccle was a former princess with dubious heritage and sinister motives only for socioeconomic gain, often through sham marriages, having been divorced seven or more times, with all of her partners disappearing under suspicious circumstances. She was actively gunning for Skum's NIL position and Beezus was personally enjoying the show.

The Five decided that they too wanted stakes in the Retroliga and VHS sullenly made concessions to each for interest in upcoming clubs. Burdened with so many corporate mouths to feed now, VHS decided to write a script to find directors for the clubs that would populate the league. While the new script was being coded, VHS and O wrote out a set of league rules and standards.

The hockey league would be 4v4 with 4 skaters and 1 goalie on the ice with nonstop action and free substitution from an active 12 person gameday roster. Each team would be required to have at least one center on the ice. Accepted formations of centers, wingers, and defenders included 3-1, 2-2, and the rare 1-3 formation. Games would be 45 minutes of three 15-minute periods. Penalties would send a player to the Sin Bin, resulting in 4v3 action until the penalty was served. No fewer than 3 skaters would be allowed on the ice. Any applicable protocols or era adjustments would be decided on before gametime. A backup goalie would be allowed to dress and be available if the starting goalie was injured or incapacitated or to make a Switcheroo. An inactive personnel group of three scratched skaters would be available only in select circumstances decided by rock-paper-scissors. Each game would be overseen by a randomly selected trio of holographic icekeepers to enforce penalties, maintain the ice and infrastructure, count goals, and communicate the decisions of the LigaHQ Recorder Room.

The league will feature eight clubs, each with their own identity, colors, and home rink. Each club would have 16 players, two ancillary coaching personnel, and one club director.

I look forward to seeing what the teams look like in this universe.

Steelman wrote:

0001.aa-0001.ac the first club and persons

The Deuce Portal: AA-Ron Edition produced a handful of talented directors. The first to enter the portal was Polly Royce, founder of a beauty products company called PolRoy. Her nickname of “Polar Queen” was not by accident as she was a fierce and cutthroat businesswoman with an icy personality but a perfectly symmetrical face and a very long blond ponytail. VHS decided to pair her with Beezus' flagship franchise to help keep him in check. Polly and Beezus, through his hapless assistant stand-in double Suzeeb (via hologram), named the club Polarroid. The name was supposed to have an uppercase R in Roid, but Suzeeb forgot to type it in, much to Beezus' ire.


The logo features an angry polar bear with roided out bloodshot eyes wearing a winter beanie and a color scheme of Royal Beezus Black, Roidy Red, Polly Pink, and Furry Cream. A secondary logo patch is a diamond with an inset paw and the initials of both Directors. A wordmark is the only thing to denote the uppercase R that Beezus was so enraged about. The uniforms feature Beezus Black primary sweaters with triple horizontal striping and a shoulder yoke paired with red shells. The club uses a wide sans-serif number type with double strokes. The NOB and broadcast numbers are flat.

After VHS ran two new scripts, including 0001.ab (Six-Pack Edition) and 0001.ac (ACXME.EXE Edition), Polly was first to choose a team Skipper and Advisor from the Deuce Portal. The Skipper would be responsible for coaching, training, running the bench, making substitutions, and calling formations for the team. The Advisor would bring a specialty to assist the Skipper and occasionally the Director.

With Polarroid receiving first choice as the flagship franchise, Polly chose Liz Vizcarrondo to be Skipper. Lizzy Viz was a visionary and one of the first female hockey players to breach the gender barrier in high level sagas. She was known for her sharp tongue, literally and figuratively. Advising The Viz will be Will Adcox, known primarily for being the only player to lose a Game 7 by own goal when he forgot which direction they were going and fired a nasty shot on his own goalie in a tie game in OT of Game 7 in a championship series. He has worn the Toboggan of Shame ever since and helps players and coaches cope with their shame and guilt.

Suzeeb misunderstood the name of 0001.ab (Six-Pack Edition) and accidentally purchased Beezus six polar bears for the outrageous sum of one million shame each. Beezus was angry at first but decided to build them each their own house and compound instead. They live happily to this day. Except the ones who died from overroiding. Each of their holograms live in their stead, though Beezus has steadfastly denied it.

In honor of the legend, syms of Polarroid regularly “roid out” and overroid while wearing polar bear costumes at games.

Well... you sure knocked this out of the park. There's something about this idea that I like, but I cannot pin it. Good work Steel!