Los Angeles, California:

Today, Football Owner Stickman announced a surprise trade with the Buffalo Bolts.   The Bolts will be getting a top tier linebacker in Myles Jack, while the Sabercats will receive a solid linebacker in A.J. Klein, a (MUCH) needed running back in James White, and the Bolts 1st Round Draft Pick in next years Rookie Draft.  

"Let's get the obvious out of the way, Myles was one of our absolute best players on the Sabercats team last year and his production is going to be greatly missed." began the always professional and polite sounding Stickman, "However, we decided that the time to think about both today and tomorrow is now.   A.J. Klein is a solid lineman who should start every week (assuming his 2020 production repeats).  James White, while a part of a platoon rotation, is not only still the best running back we have, but I have good reason to believe that he will be more productive than many expect.   We believe their combined production will match the value of Jack while also giving us 2 full time starters for the price of 1.   As for the future, receiving the Bolts 1st round rookie draft pick will allow us to have 3 draft picks, including 2 first round picks, in that draft.   This will allow us to successfully restock our team with young, affordable talents while staying competitive today!"

Stickman noting that this is still pending approval from the commissioner's office, (plus the threat of the veto is always there), but he feels confident that this is a fair deal where both teams are going to be satisfied with what they will be receiving.

Last edited by Stickman (8/17/2021 2:38 pm)

dvdbubba27 wrote:

BREAKING NEWS

SCORPIONS HQ (ALTSPN) - After a change in ownership following a disappointing 2020 season in which they finished with a 2-11 record, the Arizona Scorpions have fired head coach Doug Pederson with immediate effect. Byron Leftwich has been named head coach of the Scorpions in his stead.

When his wisdom was questioned by the local sports media at Leftwich's introductory press conference, owner Combat Baby defended the decision to fire Pederson, saying that the Scorpions' 2020 performance was "unacceptable" given that they began the season ranked 3rd in the AltFL preseason power rankings, but also took the time to wish Pederson well in his future endeavours. Mr. Baby also took the time to confirm that his club has no plans to tank at any point in the future and to reaffirm that the club's main goal remains to win the AltBowl.

Did you... just fire the Los Angeles Sabercats head coach? Because I believe the Scorpions head coach was Dabo Sweeny...

You know.... come to think about it, yeah I think I DID have Doug Pederson as my head coach, lmao!!   He must have mutinied after dealing with the Stickmen!   Ah well, I suppose Jerome Bettis can stay our head coach to make things easier!

Los Angeles, California

In his 2nd press conference of the day, Football Owner Stickman expressed remorse over the inevitable decision to have to "fire" Jerome Bettis today after it was discovered that he is in fact, the Portland Grizzlies head coach.

"I take full responsibility for this grievous error," he began (while making the typical politician sad face...



"...I never should have allowed Hockey Owner Stickman the privilege of working on Doug Pederson's contact renewal..."

It has since come to light that Hockey Stickman, apparently irritated that Pederson had asked for a raise, quietly fired him, then traveled to Portland after the Grizzlies' playoff loss to the Buffalo Bolts, kidnapped "The Bus", then held him hostage in his basement while forcing him to listen to Mariachi music all day for months straight in the vain hopes to force him to sign a contract with the Sabercats.

Hockey Owner currently denies any wrong-doing, legal or otherwise.  

Last edited by Stickman (8/17/2021 5:29 pm)

People wonder why all calls to my desk phone from my fellow owners redirect to Prosecutor Payne…