But what awards DIDN'T the Chevs win?

Los Angeles, California

Hockey Owner Stickman stunned the sports world today with his sudden press conference announcement, which still managed to draw many journalists and sports fans, some in trench coats and fedoras to account for the rain that day.  "Due to many rumors, all of which are false of course, I will be stepping down as owner of the Los Angeles Titans. Goodbye now." Stickman stated straight faced while turning to leave.

"Wait.... WHAT?!" yelled Johnny Armando, AltSPN journalist, "You can't just leave us with that explanation and not go into detail!   What rumors?  Like, do you mean the one where you're under investigation for robbing several 7-11s while wearing a see-through bucket on your head?   Or the one where NASA is suing you for attempting to steal one of their space shuttles in order to, and I'm quoting one of the scientists here, -Shoot those stupid trailer park psychics into space, they've predicted wrong for the last time- end quote.  Or perhaps it's the rumor that you've been kidnapping vegans and forcing them into Eat Meat Conversion Therapy sessions?  Any of those?"

"Actually, the one that really pops my pimple is that I've heard that all the other owners have insulted me by saying I'm too clueless to know how to run a hockey team!   That's beyond ridiculous!  Just because I didn't know hockey was played on ice, or that I spent my life's savings on stuffed anime dolls, or just because I didn't know I could change my lineup daily, or just because I threw a temper tandrum while covered in baby oil over missing the playoffs, or just because I may have pooped on my own arena once doesn't mean that I'm unfit to own a franchise.   Well, AltHL, the joke's on you!   I quit!  However, before I go, yes, those rumors were true.  But, they'll never catch me alive!   Zoinks!  I'm off!  BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!" screeched Stickman as he immediately ran away from the press conference. 

He was closely followed by the trench coat and fedora wearing "sports fans", who turned out to be FBI agents who were there to arrest him on his many crimes.   "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME, FOOLS!!!  I'M GONNA HOP ON THIS MOVING TRAIN AND DISAPPEAR FOREVER!  YAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!" the insane fool of a Stickman yelled as he indeed jumped onto a slowly moving train.   Unfortunately for Stickman, the reason the train was moving slow wasn't because it was just taking off, but because it was slowing down to arrive at a train station.  After a brief chase that lasted all of 20 feet, he was tackled quickly.   

While he was being put into a police car, he tearfully made one final comment while bawling like a young child "Me is sorry to all the vegans.  I should have known it was a waste of my time to try and convert you, since there's no hope for you anyway".   He suddenly turned serious.  " But know this, Alt sports owners!  I may be quitting the AltHL, but I'll be back!   You'll see!   I'll be ba... owwie!".   He was cut off by the police car door being shut in his face and taken away by the cops.   However, because this happened in the state of California, because he is still very rich, and because he pleaded insanity (for the only time in his life), the now former Hockey Owner Stickman was eventually only sentenced to 48 hours of community service, which later was reduced to 4 hours since he displayed remorse.   



But in all seriousness, I've had an absolute blast with the AltHL, especially considering I know nothing of hockey!  It's also been fun driving everyone nuts with Hockey Owner Stickman's antics, which will be missed by none other than me I imagine.   Nonetheless, I look forward to keeping up on it to see how the next season goes!   Best of luck everyone!

Last edited by Stickman (7/12/2022 12:26 pm)