Jimmer Fredette writes on a board and Atlanta players replicate it on the court. He will also take the role of assistant coach, trainer, equipment manager, GM, stadium announcer and on court entertainment at halftime.

ItDoesntMatter wrote:

The Albuquerque Invaders are proud to announce the addition of current Hornets head coach and native burqueño James Borrego to our coaching staff:

I believe you mean Querqueño.

On a pleasant, sunny day in New Orleans, Basketball Owner Stickman had some news to share regarding the New Orleans Revelers' new head coach and also their G League team.  As usual, Dick Dingleberry was assigned/forced to attend the meeting, ("But Dick, he seems to really like you!  He wouldn't answer anybody else's questions but yours!"). This time, the announcements would be held at the team's new stadium, called Corporate Bank Dome.  "Suppose I shouldn't be shocked...." Dick had said to himself when he heard the name.   Corporate Bank, the world's largest and most generic.... well, corporate banking company in the world.  Loading with cash, they had always had a strange connection with Stickman, (or the Stickmen, depending on what you believed) that had never been unearthed.  After sobering up for the day, Dingleberry drove to this new stadium.

By now, Dick was not surprised at what he saw when he arrived.   The stadium, (an outrageously sized stadium that somehow looked both a traditional domed stadium and a goofy circus tent at the same time) was not only the home of the New Orleans Reverlers, but would also serve as THE go to place to hold concerts, extravagant "Party Gras"s , and, surprise, circuses.  What was his weird obsessions with circuses, anyway, Dick thought.  Circuses meant clowns.  Dick hated clowns.  A lot.  Never trusted them, they were always... smiling.  Dingleberry never trusted a man who smiled too much.   This was going to suck.  Only 12 more years till retirement.....he reminded himself.  Only 12, long, miserable, years of pain and annoyances dealing with these antics...

After taking a seat in the press's section of the arena, (which was as gaudy as it was colorful, filled with purples, greens, and golds all around, irritating.), Dick did something he never did before, he prayed.  "God, if you let me get through this moron's press conference without me getting *#*%ed off.... errr, excuse the french.... I promise you I'll start believing in you".   

Not two seconds after he finished his prayer, what Dick saw next sent him straight back to atheism.  A very small bearded man, no more than three and half feet tall (and equally as wide) dressed in what looked like a leprechaun suit  sprinted to the center of the court, moving far more gracefully than he had any right to.   "Ladies and Gentleman!" the leprechaun yelled, "I, the wonderful little assistant named Nancy, am pleased to annouce the arrival of our favorite friend, Stickman!!!!"   "Nancy?!" Dick said aloud in shock, "What is she, the bearded lady?! ohhhh, right, this idiot's life is a circus..... tell me this can't possible get any more..."

Dick never got to finish that sentence as a sudden explosion in the center of the arena!  When the smoke cleared, the little man.... err, woman was gone, suddenly replaced by Stickman upon his throne, carried by his Gator Boys, (4 very muscular and well oiled men.  Why did they have to be shirtless?  That never stopped creeping Dick out).  "Hurrah!  I am here!  Along with my boys, Chester, Lester, Fester, and Joe!!!  Mo had an unfortunate accident this morning, so now here's his replacement" yelled the weird masked man.  "I will keep this brief, so not to disturb tonight's Party Gras.   The head coach is Brad Stevens and the G League team's name will be the Baton Rouge Reds!  Now, onto the PARTY..."

"JUST HOLD ON A DANG MINUTE!!!" Dick outscreamed Stickman.  "YOU MADE ME DRIVE 3 *!^$ING HOURS TO THIS FREAK SHOW, PRANCE AROUND WITH A BEARDED WOMAN AND FOUR HALF NAKED MEN JUST TO HAVE A TEN SECOND LONG ANNOUCEMENT?!?!!?!?!" 

Stickman blinked in surprise, "Well... no" he said slowly, perhaps confused by Dingleberry's rage.  "I did have some festivities planned for you all since you were kind enough to make the long drive here today".  Dick realized all the other reporters and fans were staring at him and suddenly became embarrassed with the realization that he had probably humiliated the poor man in front of everyone.   It made him think, sure the guy was weird, but the fans certainly loved him, and his many Party Gras' were supposed to be quite elaborate and likely expensive.   Really, Stickman, (at least this one) hadn't actually done anything WRONG, maybe he really was just some outlandish fellow.   Heck, maybe HE was the problem, always drinking too much, getting stressed over interviewing goofy people, and being surly all the time.  Dingleberry knew right then that he had to change his ways and what better time than now?

"I'm sorry Stickman" he stated, "I shouldn't have yelled at you, just having a rough go lately.  Seriously, this stadium and set up is very..... nice".  "Ah splendid!  I almost thought you were mad at me for something!  Ha Ha!  Well, with that settled, why don't you be our special guest of honor at today's Party Gras?  You'll love it!"  "Heh, alright.  I have heard these are really something else".  Dick was relieved and finally ready to relax himself.  Yeah, maybe this will be okay after all.

"BEGIN..... THE..... PARTY GRAS!!!!" Stickman (and many of the fans) yelled.  Suddenly a long row of beautiful woman started an impressive eye-high kick dance, "PRESENTING THE CROCK-ETTES!!!" Stickman bellowed.  Now this was more like it, Dick thought to himself after accepting a nice beverage from a pretty, friendly hostess.  Actually, for the first time in a long while, Dingleberry was... enjoying himself!   He was so happy with his new-found happiness that when offered to join the Crock-ettes line, he actually agreed!   As he approached the girls, Stickman yelled, "NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE NEXT SHOW!!!  CROCK-ETTES!!!  SHOW OUR FRIEND A GOOD TIME!!!".  The girls stopped dancing, looked right at Dick, and ripped off the fake face masks, revealing many, many clowns! "What..... no......NOT..... CLOWNNNNNNNNS!!!!!" screamed Dick in horror as the smiling buffoons approached him, arms stretched out as if to grab him.   Screeching in ways he didn't even know he could, Dingleberry streaked through the crowd, out of the stadium, and even ran straight to his hotel, not even bothering to get into his car first.  After downing more than enough booze to inebriate an elephant, Dick swore he'd never, EVER get near Stickman again. 

A little late, but:

 The Texas Jackalopes, after working with the city of Arlington (current location of the Dallas-Fort Worth Auditorium) have declared their intent to build a new stadium in the Dallas-Fort Worth Area. The Jackalopes, who have played in the same arena since they joined the league in 1978, are ecstatic at having a new stadium in the next two or three seasons. In keeping with the branding, EnigmatiCorp have name the Auditorium, the EnigmatiCorp Auditorium, in a deal that will last through 2024.