APRIL 1983 PART 2: Secrets Under the Ice
The April Fools’ draft deadline was dramatic and left us with more unanswered questions then solved ones, and as everyone knows, the correct number of unanswered questions is zero. So, by unpopular demand, your favorite French-Canadian boater/reporter has done some snooping around to try and figure out exactly what is going on.

Motown Chrome was of course, the biggest shocker. While it did trade away multiple players linked to what little success they have had to try and keep themselves afloat, the decision by Quincy Quarles to not throw out the coaching staff, especially the violently incompetent Carlsson, has been suspicious. It’s being alleged that Carlsson is using incriminating evidence to blackmai Quarles into letting him keep his position. Pundits have theorized that the Mo’s owner may be involved in anything from drug dealing to tax fraud, but there is simply not enough information to go off of at this time.

As Motown is undoubtedly done for the season, Empire City remains on the outside looking in, and has apparently reached new heights of desperation for a playoff bid. According to an anonymous source who is claiming to be an employee of the Empire City organization, at least one player is currently abusing drugs, and both coaching and ownership have been looking the other way and instructing players to do so too as to avoid having the violator or violators suspended and further damaging their chances of success. The trustworthiness of this source is currently unknown.

Finally, as Abe Kohler has been involved in a domestic altercation and is supposedly bigoted towards French-Canadians behind the scenes, the Monarques du Montreal are feeling the pressure from displeased fans to remove him from the roster altogether. Due to his controversial behavior, he could be off the team by the end of the season.

Only time will tell how correct my sources are in uncovering secrets in the inner workings of PUCH franchises. Until next time,

Severin Saint-Pierre, Hockey and Boat Enthusiast

April 1982

April showers brings all kinds of drama in the league as the trade deadline has come and gone and teams now have to get with the program to finish out the season. April brings questions. We have the answers about what your favorite and least favorite clubs are up to.

EASTERN DIVISION:

District United made a sneaky good deadline move to upgrade their goaltending department and it paid off with veteran Nate Millen logging a couple off wins and giving Dorian Hatchett a much-needed break. The squad still doesn't produce a ton of points on a nightly basis but they're extremely tough defensively and have been able to stay in the race to lead the division. Can the Ducks continue this tight, heavy brand of hockey all the way to the playoffs?

Narwhal stood pat at the deadline and questions remain on the validity of that decision. Even with backup goalie Ned Harwood playing much better behind young Al Bender, the net has been a roller coaster all season. Bender is just 18 and he's looking a little frazzled in the net. Five losses piled up quickly on the month as the hot streaks that Jimmy Jugo and Danny Domhoff were riding fizzled out. Can Narwhal keep up in the race and who will step up to score goals?

Liberty Athletic started very poorly as new acquisition Reid Cone seemed to have difficulty gelling with his new teammates. Coach George Granheim moved him all over the lineup until he found a home between Lincoln Kane and Bart Carver. The squad regressed defensively and Guerin was inconsistent in the net as the Libbys struggled to 14 points to maintain a slim lead in the playoff picture over Metropolitan. Can Liberty figure out their chemistry to right the ship and stay in the playoff hunt?

Metropolitan NYC seemed to be falling out of the race but after holding their ground at the deadline, a solid month has them just a single win behind Liberty for the 3rd seed. An injury to Buddy Zigich left the defense in shambles but Eddie Baugh stood tall in the net and Ken Yewdokimova shook off last month's issues and turned on the scoring jets again. With Yewdokimova firing on all cylinders, Metro has a chance to make some noise. Can boys from Queens tighten up the defense to make a playoff push against Liberty?

Empire City were not expected to do well after being sellers at the deadline but veteran Marc Minnemeyer, who many assumed would be traded, helped lead the team as they held their own in a tight division. They're essentially out of the playoff race but Vince Aberdeen is a DPOY candidate and the squad seems to enjoy playing for each other. However, recent noise has coach Blaine Bartholomew on the hotseat as assistant Steve Searsey appears to be running the show now. Can Empire build on late season success and find a blueprint for contention next season?

WESTERN DIVISION:

Toronto Fox picked up where they left off with Ruben Thornhill leading the way and young winger John Herbco really taking off as the Fuzzies are putting pressure on Ohio for the division title. The team appears to be gelling at the right time with timely scoring, tight defense, and solid goaltending. Are they peaking too early or can they keep this up through May toward the playoffs?

Ohio Republic are at 81 points on the season and lead the league in scoring by a fair margin but have had trouble winning games in regulation. Local media has been all over some perceived issues with leadership between Gary Dunlap and Connor Greathouse but they have as many losses as Motown has wins and are cruising through the division. Can Ohio tune out the media frenzy and focus on winning games while keeping their clubhouse secure?

Howler-Hawkins have been streaky but the good news is they're scoring again as new additions in Will Jurgensen and Louis Brooksfield have greatly improved the squad. The less good news is despite all the added firepower and Stan Blackburn playing well, they only logged 17 points on the month to barely staying ahead of a surging Monarques. There's a lot of pressure in Chicago get this right after such a busy trade deadline. Can the Dashers focus on winning and stay in the playoff picture for the next month?

Monarques rocketed forward in the first half of the month, winning 5 in a row before coming back to Earth and finishing the month with 18 points and just two points behind Howler-Hawkins. The platoon of Cameron Shiggs and Abe Kohler appears to be working and Kohler is on his best behavior. The primary cause for concern is an injury to Morgan Blair which coincided with a precipitous drop in scoring production. Can Monarques rediscover their scoring and push for a playoff berth?

Motown Chrome traded away a bunch of players, dealt with drama about their coaching and ownership, weathered all kinds of rumors in the media, but somehow it galvanized a scrappy group and they played their best hockey to date, earning 4 wins and keeping pace in scoring. Fans and reporters are worried this may really save Craig Carlsson's job but the players don't seem to care. Can Motown build on this momentum and find a recipe for success into next season?

Game of the Month: Motown Chrome 4-3 Howler-Hawkins (OT)

1st Period 0-2
HHHC: Roman Harrison (Silver, Brooksfield)
HHHC: Will Jorgensen (Paulson, LaRue)
2nd Period 2-2
MCHC: Rick Stark (Palmer, Thompson)
MCHC: Stan Oldham (Brietzman, Barker) [Power Play]
3rd Period 3-3
MCHC: Pat Baker (Stephenson, Finland)
HHHC: Tracy Paulson (Jorgensen, Brooksfield)
Overtime 4-3
MCHC: Jerome Kalsow (Barker, Oldham)

Win: Rey Betz | Loss: Stan Blackburn

1st Period 1-2
LAHC: Rod Poole (Ficociello, Moon) [Power Play]
MNYC: Aaron Cladd (McMorrow, Klusman)
MNYC: Joseph Inca (Lemieux, Cox)
2nd Period 3-3
LAHC: Mike Moon (Carr, Halcombe)
MNYC: Russell Cox (Gentry, Zigich) [Shorthanded]
LAHC: Jimmy Cottee (Hunter, Woodson)
3rd Period 5-5
LAHC: Jory Delaplane (Ficociello, Wren)
MNYC: Nigel McMorrow (Cladd, Hayes)
MNYC: Ken Yewdokimova (Etibridge, Williams)
LAHC: Gary Linley (Cottee, Seaton)
Overtime 5-6
MNYC: Buddy Zigich (Hayes, Cladd)Win: Eddie Baugh | Loss: Todd Guerin

Come on Empire! Keep losing! #DownThereForPierre

May 1982

The final push begins as the month of May brings fierce competition for teams in contention for the playoffs. We take a look at which player was most valuable for each team over the course of the season.

EASTERN DIVISION

District United (1st Seed, Division Title) did enough to hold off Narwhal to win the inaugural Eastern Division title and a 1st Seed and first round bye in the playoffs. They have found ways to stay close in tight games which may bode well for them as their heavy brand of hockey is typically effective in the playoffs. Having a week to rest while Narwhal and Liberty battle it out should have the Ducks primed and ready to go for the second round. Team MVP: Norm Hitchcock, D

Narwhal (2nd Seed) made a furious surge for the division title but will battle it out in the playoffs as the 2nd seed. Their April offensive struggles seems to be resolved as the Green Army found their touch with Jimmy Jugo on a hot streak again. The defense also tightened up considerably which bodes well for helping young Al Bender in the net. Team MVP: Jimmy Jugo, RW

Liberty Athletic (3rd Seed) pushed Narwhal after making some great defensive adjustments. Their offensive-minded team needed to focus on the defensive details and it paid off with their most consistent month yet. If Mike Moon and Wayne Wren can keep this up, the Libbys could make some playoff noise. Team MVP: Geoff Ficociello, C

Metropolitan NYC had a fantastic month but it wasn't quite enough to catch Liberty as they fell just two points shy. Young winger Ken Yewdokimova was superb yet again and Metro certainly looks like it has all the pieces to be in contention for next season. Team MVP: Ken Yewdokimova, LW

Empire City fell out of contention early but had a solid month that highlighted the talented players on the club who can lead the future of the team. Vince Aberdeen is a defensive player of the year candidate and centerman Andrew Jacobs-Warren is still under 30. Empire will look to retool in the offseason. Team MVP: Vincent Aberdeen, D

WESTERN DIVISION

Ohio Republic (1st Seed, Division Title, Earl Trophy) cruised to the top of the league with excellent play on all fronts as they secured the inaugural Earl Trophy for best regular season record and the Western Division title. Their 1st Seed and first round bye will be a boon to a team out of gas and needing to rest, as the team had some defensive lapses to end the month. Team MVP: Gary Dunlap, LW

Toronto Fox (2nd Seed) had a strong month to close the regular season with the league's 2nd best record, even despite a dip in scoring to clinch the 2nd seed. After their horrendous start to the season, the sheer will and fortitude of the Fuzzies was something to behold and they appear to be in fine form heading to the playoffs. Team MVP: Ruben Thornhill, RW

Monarques de Montreal (3rd Seed) made a furious push with six straight wins to start the month as winger Morgan Blair ignited a torrid goal streak to skyrocket Monarques into the playoffs. With Howler-Hawkins faltering, they took full advantage to cap off an incredible month. Team MVP: Morgan Blair, RW

Howler-Hawkins collapsed down the stretch as they tumbled into bad hockey habits that left their season in shambles. The epic meltdown on the heels of management ponying up big assets for major trades doesn't make things feel good in Chicago. The Pinwheels will have some soul searching to do in the offseason. Team MVP: Stan Blackburn, G

Motown Chrome set all kinds of bad records including not logging a single win during the month. The last second had barely run off the clock of the last game of the season when owner Quincy Quarles bullrushed his way down to the Motown bench and fired Craig Carlsson on the spot. Team MVP: Stan Oldham, RW


And with that, the inaugural regular season has come to a close.
Up next will be playoff previews! (PENNterns, send me your playoff predictions)

Hey, lets go DUHC! Keep winning, make Dizzy work harder to make fun of the home team.