Today, the sports world was stunned by a strange development. Baseball Owner Stickman, perhaps based known for attempting to declare war on the city of Oklahoma City and also quite literally attempting to invade it last season, was finally arrested for his crimes and general insanity. His sudden removal from his position as owner of the New York Blackbirds would normally bring about questions as to who would replace him, but that was answered quickly.
Unbelievably, former Los Angeles Titans owner Hockey Stickman, famed for several controversies during his tenure, has announced today that he in fact will be taking over operations as the new New York Blackbirds owner, having secured the finances through his (shady) business relationship with Corporate Bank, the soulless banking enterprise whose name often gets tacked onto all of the Stickmen teams' stadiums. If it wasn't already, the New York Blackbirds' stadium will be (re?)named into Corporate Bank Field.
"I know you're all shocked by my return to sports ownership" began Stickman, "but there was no way that after my... brother let's say... Baseball Stickman was unfairly arrested for crimes he obviously didn't commit, that the New York Blackbirds would fall into the hands of anyone that didn't understand the Stickman way. I understand it better than most and therefore, I am the correct person to own the franchise, so if you've got a problem with that, I got two words for you... "
"And those words are...?" asked AltSPN journalist Dick Dingleberry.
"Too bad losers!"
"That's... oh forget it! Where's my emergency flask at anyway?"
"Oh, and I have another announcement. Since Hockey Stickman doesn't really make sense for a baseball team owner, I've also legally changed my name to Stickball Owner Stickman! Pretty catchy, eh?"
"What in the hell possessed you to name yourself something so stupid?!"
"Well, in hockey, you smack a puck with a hockey stick, right? And in baseball, you smack a ball with a baseball bat/stick, no? There you go"
"I give up! [size=75]Only 2 more years until retirement... then I can hang out with my friends Jack, Jim, and Jose all I want to. Anyway, I'm supposed to ask you about this nonsense about you getting into some drama involving a lawyer, a koala bear, and a blueberry muffin, as if anyone actually cares[size=50]t[/size][/size]" muttered the annoyed Dingleberry.
"No comment"
Andddd, there you go! New owner, new name, same ol' shenanigans?
Last edited by Stickman (3/26/2023 10:09 pm)