2034 OFFSEASON

PART 1

NOTABLE RETIREMENTS
SP Jason Bailey (TOR, COL, TEN) - 2024-2034 - Sacramento, CA
3B Kenny Bowermaster (ATL, CAR, TOR, NY) - 2024-2034 - Long Beach, CA
3B Luis "Greendale Alum" Guzman (DAL, NY) - 2024-2034 - La Romana, Dominican Republic
3B Caio Huart (CHI, TEN, BOS) - 2024-2034 - San Cristobal, Venezuela
3B Jared "Checkers" Ross (HOU, TOR) - 2024-2034 - Delaware, OH
CF Bill Monger (BC, POR, TOR) - 2024-2034 - Charlotte, NC
3B Bill Spencer (PHI, LV, CHI, SEA, CAR) - 2024-2034 - Sint Nicolas, Aruba
1B Casey Widhalm (MIA, ATL) - 2024-2034 - Tamarac, FL
RF Grady Brady (SEA, ATL, BC) - 2024-2034 - Latrobe, PA
2B Dave Shields (DAL, BOS, LA) - 2024-2034 - West Springfield, MA

DIVISIONS REALIGNED
To accommodate for the addition of 4 teams to the UBL, Commissioner Dan Gaudreau announced that the league would be getting a realignment. Going forward, each conference will be split into 3 4-team divisions, with two entirely new divisions being added: the WC's Ryan Division in the heartland and part of the south, named for the legendary Texas-born pitcher Nolan Ryan, and the EC's Paige Division in the midwest, named for longtime Negro Leagues and MLB pitcher Leroy "Satchel" Paige.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
MAYS DIVISION
British Columbia
Calgary
Portland
Portland

ROBINSON DIVISION
Las Vegas
Los Angeles
Phoenix
San Jose

RYAN DIVISION
Colorado
Dallas
Houston
New Orleans

EASTERN CONFERENCE
PAIGE DIVISION
Chicago
Minnesota
St. Louis
Toronto

RUTH DIVISION
Boston
Montreal
New York
Philadelphia

COBB DIVISION
Atlanta
Carolina
Miami
Tennessee

EXPANSION TEAMS ANNOUNCED
The four expansion teams for 2024-2034 formally revealed their identities.Included are their inaugural rosters following the Expansion Draft and various other signings by them.


The Montreal Polaires are joining the EC Ruth Division, playing out of the Bell Centre/Centre Bell, home of the famous NHL Canadiens. They are owned by Alec L'Ours and managed by Trevor Olin. The origin of the name "Polaires" is uncertain, but many speculate it to be a reference to the Quebec City-born L'Ours's childhood team, the Quebec Nordiques, considering the color choice. Said color choice consists of Cerulean and Regal Blue.


The New Orleans Specters, named in honor of the Crescent City's famous paranormal and occult connections, will be based in the WC Ryan Division and will play their home games in the brand new NerdWallet Arena, which they're sharing with the NBA Pelicans. They're owned by Oscar Fantoma and managed by Quincy Robertson, and their colors are a combo the organization calls "Ghastly Green" and "Voodoo Purple".


The Phoenix Firebirds will be joining the WC Robinson Division, based in Desert Diamond Arena, where they will be the sole major league tenant. The Firebirds are owned by John Burnside and Steve Cutts is their manager. The name is taken from the city's beloved former D-League team, but the colors are obviosuly not, being orange-yellow and burnt orange.


Lastly, the St. Louis Bees, playing in the new EC Paige Division, are playing in Enterprise Center with the NHL Blues. The Bee's owner is Travis Swarmer, and the manager is Jamie Elkins. The name has no real meaning: Swarmer just thought it "sounded good", according to an interview with SBNation. The colors are obviosuly inspired by St. Louis City SC, being pinkish-red and blue.

 

2034 OFFSEASON

PART 2

AWARDS
Most Valuable Player: 1B Mario Borras (HOU)
Pitcher of the Year: SP Matt Bisesi (SJ)
Rookie of the Year: 1B Francisco Moran (BC)
Reliever of the Year: CL Dustin Clagg (NY)
Manager of the Year: Ryan Wood (SEA)

Offensive Medals:
P: Hugh McCormick (LV)
C: Mike Fernandez (CAR)
1B: Mario Borras (HOU)
2B: Tobias Frasto (CHI)
3B: Chris Lake (CAR)
SS: Troy Kmiec (DAL)
LF: Joe Dawe (PHI)
CF: Matt Beverly (PHI)
RF: Mark Bryant (MIA)

Defensive Medals:
P: Brett Washington (LV)
C: Roberto Inga (SEA)
1B: Justin Ferguson (CHI)
2B: Matt Smith (DAL)
3B: Brian Wolf (SJ)
SS: Dae-il Kim (LA)
LF: Omar Ortiz (CAR)
CF: Casimiro Montez (SEA)
RF: Bradley Smith (HOU)

2034 DRAFT
The 2034 UBL Draft was held at Scotiabank Arena in Toronto, Ontario.
TOP 10
1. MIN - 1B Andrew Brown, Cincinnati - Milwaukee, WI
2. POR - SS Jorge Rodriguez, Mountain View High School - Chimaltenango, Guatemala
3. COL - LF Louie McCartney, Oklahoma Christian - Winnipeg, MB
4. BC - SP Sam Ekdar, Penticton Secondary School - Kamloops, BC
5. SJ - CF Casey Jacobs, St. Micheal's College School - Toronto, ON
6. BOS - 3B Gabriel Rivera, Oriskany Junior/Senior High School - Xico, Mexico
7. ATL - 2B Antonio Fernandez, Long Beach City College - Ocos, Guatemala
8. TOR - LF Doug Davies, Florida State - Lake Ridge, VA
9. TEN - 2B Antonio Romero, Brandeis - Guerra, Dominican Republic
10. LA - 1B Ruby Plata, West Virginia - Guadalajara, Mexico

THE REVOLVING DOOR
British Columbia fires manager Steve Byrd, replaces with Eddie Neff
Toronto fires manager Gil Nunez, replaces with Daniel Arguelles
Miami fires manager Travis Ray, replaces with Javier Quinones
 

2034-35 SEASON

OCTOBER

OPENING DAY SCORES
Phoenix 5, Dallas 3
San Jose 2, New Orleans 4
British Columbia 11, Houston 5
Calgary 1, Colorado 2
Portland 0, Los Angeles 2
Las Vegas 1, Seattle 6
Montreal 3, New York 4
Miami 2, Atlanta 1
Carolina 4, Philadelphia 12
Boston 12, Toronto 6
Chicago 1, Tennessee 2
St. Louis 2, Minnesota 3

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE MONTH
*Even though his team lost on opening day, Chicago catcher Kyle Ahrens was still able to nail his 600th career homer.
*LF Lancelot Kemper was at the center of a massive 16-5 win for the Cutthroats, hitting 3 home runs and 6 runs batted in.
*Young Ringers starter Alejandro Ponce hit a major career milestone, throwing a no-hitter against the St. Louis Bees for a 4-0 victory.

INJURY REPORT
3B Andrew Shaw (COL) - broken kneecap, out for 6 months
RP Matt Findley (BOS) - shoulder inflammation, out for 4-5 months

PLAYERS OF THE MONTH
Batter: 1B Mario Borras (HOU) - .446 AVG, 16 home runs, 25 RBIs, 19 runs
Pitcher: SP Paul Price (HOU) - 3.04 ERA, 4 wins, 0 losses
Rookie: CF Askari Taymullah (STL) - .250 ERA, 8 home runs, 18 RBIs, 9 runs

STANDINGS

 

2034-35 SEASON

DECEMBER

CHRISTMAS DAY GAMES SCORES
San Jose 0, New Orleans 1
Phoenix 2, Dallas 5
British Columbia 1, Houston 3
Calgary 5, Colorado 3
Los Angeles 0, Portland 5
Las Vegas 13, Seattle 4
Carolina 8, Philadelphia 2
Miami 5, Atlanta 8
Montreal 6, New York 7
Boston 11, Toronto 4
Chicago 2, Tennessee 1
St. Louis 6, Minnesota 9

Shortstop Travis Lee of the Blackjacks hit 2 home runs, batted in 4 and scored 3, and was declared winner of the Mug of Eggnog. Unfortunately, much like Larry Skeen before him, he was unable to enjoy the coupon that came with it due to being lactose intolerant.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE MONTH
*Wouter Arana threw a 2-0 no-hitter against the Boston Corinthians. Only days afterward, young Aliens pitcher Edwin Ybarra tossed a no-hitter as well, going 5-0 over New York.
*Colorado had a pathetic 11-0 loss at the hands of Seattle and starter Marshall Lightsey, getting only 2 hits in the whole ordeal.
*2 Marios in the UBL hit milestone homers: Mario Llanes got his 900th against Carolina, and Mario Borras got his 1600th against Colorado.

INJURY REPORT
CL Andrew Kear (PHI) - sore shoulder, out for 5 months
RP Izzy Mendez (PHX) - torn meniscus, out for season
RP Rich Renteria (NO) - partially torn ulnar collateral ligament, out for season
SP Tom Schute (TOR) - radial nerve compression, out for season
SP Cameron Anderson (TEN) - radial nerve compression, out for season
SP Mike Williams (NY) - partially torn ulnar collateral ligament, out for season

PLAYERS OF THE MONTH
Batter: LF Carlos Resendiz (LV) - .380 AVG, 21 home runs, 28 RBIs, 29 runs
Pitcher: SP Marshall Lightsey (SEA) - 2.23 ERA, 5 wins, 0 losses
Rookie: 2B Devon MacDermid (SEA) - .341 AVG, 11 home runs, 14 RBIs, 17 runs

STANDINGS

 

TheEnigmaticOne wrote:

I laughed at loud at the Community reference.

The Luis Guzman one?