The Loonatics are gonna be back for sure

The Kingfishers are back to pursue another championship!

Point Pleasant Park

28 September 2022

AP - Swimmers at Halifax's Black Rock Beach have reportedly been terrorized by what they describe as "a blue trout wearing a small red cowboy hat and holding a knife." Some have even reported hearing the fish talk, with one observer claiming the fish gave its name as "Michael Q. Murderfish" and another describing an incident where the creature approached her and asked "are you the man of steel?" Despite many locals coming forward with matching stories, authorities have yet to launch an investigation.

We have reached out to DC Entertainment to confirm that this is not a promotional stunt for an upcoming Superman movie, so the only reasonable explanation is that this is the identical twin brother of the late Michael S. Murderfish. It would seem that Michael Q. is looking to get revenge on the owner known simply as "Steelman," who notably murdered his brother and his nephew, Halifax Bingfish, during a press conference in Dallas, TX last year.

Neither Murderfish nor Steelman could be reached for comment. We did not reach out to Igneus D. McQueen, President and CEO of the Edmonton Wildcats organization, but he gave us a comment anyway, saying that while the Wildcats organization could not officially support the actions of Mr. Michael Q. Murderfish, the Montana Cutthroats, as well as the Wildcats and their senior developmental team, the Red Deer Pioneers, would all be returning to play in 2022.

If you have any more information regarding this situation, please contact local authorities.

OTTAWA, ONTARIO

The Ottawa Guardians are up for sale, according to reports from sources close to the team. Owner Osgiliath Guard is reported to be busy with other ventures and interests. He is reported to have said that "priorities and life" have steered him away from the AltHL. Reports of a Mrs. Guard, an army of undead warriors, and other more mundane things have surfaced. When approached, he confirmed that he would not run the Guardians this coming season and was selling the team.

"I can't, in good conscience, continue to run the team," he said. "It deserves an owner who can put all his focus on it, and I can't."

When asked about the controversy in the previous weeks over a memorial patch for the late Queen Elizabeth II, he said it had nothing to do with his decision.

"No sir, that wasn't a factor. I appreciate where they're coming from, and I hope they understand where I was coming from. I was already thinking about selling the team and I only came to the decision a couple days ago. I'll pop in for design stuff though."

The selling price of the team is reported as a McChicken meal with a strawberry shake and a copy of NHL2007 for the Playstation2. All inquires into the purchasing of the team should be sent to the commissioner, Gritty.

The OTTAWA GUARDIANS are a part of the Alternate Hockey League and absolutely sucked last season. They were lead by Casey Czikas and Vladislav Namestikov with 130.5 and 130 points respectively.

Dan O'Mac wrote:

Also, I know the window is very small for keepers and such, but the Edmonton Wildcats have young, cheap talent on their roster they would be willing to move to a) help alleviate the salary cap crunch, and b) make my team better. Please keep the Wildcats in mind as the salary cap becomes your pain, and let me help you. Contact General Manager idm via all official channels (PM on boards, DM on Discord)

wow, you're so right, dan! you should absolutely reach out to me if you want any of my young, cheap talent