FOX 13 UTAH

3 March 2022

SALT LAKE CITY - Three corpses were found floating in the middle of Great Salt Lake. The bodies have yet to be identified, and a cause of death could not be determined. Fingerprints were found on the bodies, but they seem to be a type of pattern that forensic scientists could not identify.

Somewhat confoundingly, the bodies were wearing baseball jerseys, which seem to be the new uniforms of the new AA team in town. The autopsies also discovered tattoos, which seemed to be incredibly fresh, spelling out some of the design rationale behind the name and jerseys. From what it seems, the name, Speed Demons, is based on the land speed record cars at the Bonneville Salt Flats. The hexagon pattern is based on the patterns in the salt at Bonneville, as well as representing Utah's nickname of the Beehive State. Finally, the third body's tattoo claims that there was going to be a logo of an actual demon (whatever "actual demon" means) wearing a racing helmet and goggles, but the ghost of Brigham Young wouldn't allow it. It seems they've repaid the favor by allowing him to model all three jerseys. You can see our mockup below:

The Atlanta Firebirds have announced their A Affiliate:

Chattanooga, TN is home to the very first "Moon Pie" so their branding is taken from that term. The uniforms are the same style as the Firebirds as well. 



 

Last edited by ANDY! (3/04/2022 4:15 pm)

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 7, 2022

Coquitlam, BC, Canada - A little more than a week ago, Bubba Sports and Entertainment chairman Combat Baby made several important revelations to other AHSylum inmates pertaining to the Lumberjacks organization, and now, it is the duty of this user (aka me) to relay them to the AHS community at large:

- Bubba himself (aka this user) will serve as general manager of the Vancouver Lumberjacks.
- Neal Pionk has been reassigned from his previous position as head coach of the AltBA's Omaha Barnstormers (also owned by BSE) to a new position in the BSE family - manager of the Lumberjacks. This has caused a shakeup of the Barnstormers staff - more info in a separate post.
- The Lumberjacks' minor league clubs will be based in Victoria, BC (AAA), Kelowna, BC (AA) and Kamloops, BC (A). Names and branding will be announced at a later date.

Ahhemm, testing testing. Its BDoof here, not sure if ~~ make it ~~ to you all. I ~~ is this ~~ on? punch. There that seems better

As I was saying, after getting back from vacation I realized I filled no spots on my team. For manager, I am hiring the long thought lost, Neo Connie "Neo" Mack v2.0. For ass coach, we are hiring Amaury Nolasco, best known for his role in "Benchwarmers". For our backup Ass. Coach we hired a near-senile old man off the street by the name of Peter Rosé, we're not sure who he is but he really wanted to join the team.

For our stadium, oh boy is it a work of art. As everyone knows, Mexico City was built upon Tenochtlitlan, the ancient capital of the Aztec empire, which itself was built in the middle of the lake. The engineering of said ancient city is still seen as amazing to this day. To honor the legacy of that city we knew we would need an even more impressive stadium. Thus we present to you, ESTADIO VOLADOR! The Flying Stadium, yes you heard that. A stadium that flies ABOVE the ancient ruins of Tenochtlitlan. 

For our mascot, we decided to rescue a real-life Jaguar that was previously held at the Big Cat Rescue in Tampa, formerly owned by Joe Exotic. But since we can't really have it around the kids, we kidnapped Jaxson de Ville to be our child-response mascot. With the new name, Jaxson de Mexico. 

For our affiliates we have a lovely crop of teams such as
AAA Pueblo Pueblos 
AA Chihuahua Chihuahuas
A Cancún Canners


For any more information dont forget to check out our website at www.url.MexicoCityJaguares.com/notascam/seriouslytrustme.org

It's time to play



patent pending.

Here's the board:



With one question, you should be able to narrow down the field to four men, who will be the Atoms' GM, manager, hitting coach, and pitching coach, and who all share a single common criterion. Good luck!

If you're having trouble identifying the faces, here are all their names:
Kerry Wood, Ken Griffey, Jr., John Farrell, Sandy Koufax, Joe Maddon, Nomar Garciaparra
Mariano Rivera, David Ross, Alex Cora, Dave Dombrowski, Ben Zobrist, Dusty Baker
Theo Epstein, Carl Yastrzemski, Roger Clemens, Fred Lynn, Dustin Pedroia, Sammy Sosa
Randy Johnson, David Ortiz, Lou Piniella, Fergie Jenkins, Chaim Bloom, Pedro Martinez