Stickman wrote:

LMAO!!! That's awesome, feels just like something that would happen in Alt Los Angeles.  Stadiums falling from the sky, the press dealing with another awkward owner situation, suspicious corporate funding of the stadiums, great stuff!

I am rather curious to find out how fans will be able to enter the arena, as rumor has it, Hockey Owner, Football Owner, and for some reason Basketball Owner Stickman are all very unhappy with the situation and have threatened to lock all the doors in Corporate Bank Arena to prevent entry.   

Football Owner Stickman politely (but sternly) threatened lawsuits for what he called a literal invasion of property. He claimed Dire unreasonably expected the Stickmen to all be in person at the same time.  Given their extremely busy schedules, Stickman explained that only one of them could be present at a time, slowing down negotiations dramatically. 

Basketball Owner Stickman cancelled 3 Party Gras in New Orleans before calming down over the incident.  However, rumors suggest that he also cancelled those parties due to the distractions of having to replace Gator Boy Joe (who disappeared mysterious) with Gator Boy Beau and having to replace the Crockettes with actual women instead of disguised male clowns after Dick Dingleberry sued him for mental anguish.

Hockey Owner Stickman was reportedly so angry, he even left a little surprise for the Olympians on the Corporate Bank Arena Basketball court in retaliation, (apparently forgetting that the Olympians would have their own basketball court and so would have to clean up his mess later).

 
For the love of God, keep me out of this.

EnigmatiCorp, in keeping with new branding, have retired long time mascot, Prospecter Pete, and replaced him with an anthropomorphic jackalope, named Jack A. Lope. The character will be debuted at the opener. Also in the news, is an open call for plots of land to build a new stadium on. Currently in the running, include land in Fort Worth and Dallas. There is also a plan to tear down the auditorium and replace it with a state of the art, and privately funded, arena on the same plot of land in Arlington. In the talk is a rumor that the team may attempt to play in other Texan market while the new stadium was built, but only in conjunction with the Auditorium plan.

The Albuquerque Invaders would like to announce the newest addition to our coaching staff. We were looking to hire another Albuquerque basketball legend, but unfortunately, we were unable to get the rights. That said, we believe we've done the best we could given the circumstances. Please give a warm welcome to Assistant Coach Trey Ballton!

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Editor's Note: Please excuse the error on the graphic. The graphic was supposed to read "ASST COACH," but our graphic designer thought the abbreviation "ASST" for "Assistant" didn't make sense and so refused to include the T. We at 𐐝𐐿𐐶𐐨𐑆𐐼 𐐙𐑉𐐭𐐻 𐐐𐐬𐑊𐐼𐐮𐑍𐑆 𐐆𐑌𐐻𐐲𐑉𐑌𐐰𐑇𐐲𐑌𐐲𐑊 apologize for this error and we will not tolerate this behavior in the future.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Atlanta has announced that they signed Troy Bolton as their powerplay coach. Troy is a former high school star who dominated the court with Cal during his college years. Along with Bolton, Chad Danforth will be joining the crew as the team’s defensive line coach. Danforth is known best for his ability to keep his head in the game. These talents were highlighted most during his time with Bolton in high school. This signing is bold knowing that Chad is a compulsive liar, claiming he went to a made up institute called “University of Albuquerque” following high school. Most believe this wild claim was rooted out of jealousy towards Bolton, but it seems the two have mended their relationship prior to committing to their new roles with the Devils.

ItDoesntMatter wrote:

FOR INTERTEMPORAL RELEASE

4 𐐁𐐹𐑉𐐲𐑊 2022

These gosh-darn big market teams and their Earth dollars. Smh

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