Steelman wrote:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Sunday, March 21, 2021

Undisclosed Location – The press release podium at Halcyon Sports Group headquarters in Halifax stood eerily empty as the news crew and cameramen were unsure of what was going on or where their eccentric owner Steelman was this time. Suddenly a phone call rang out from the podium and Mrs. Irene, Steelman's technically challenged elderly secretary rushed to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Yes, Irene, sorry about this,” Steelman said through a hiss of static. “I was on a flight to the Big Apple but I just got a call from my inside source that my business dealings there just got tanked by some bastards from cactus land.”

“Hello?” said Irene again, frantically.

“Yes, Irene. Are you there?”

“Yes sir, I am now. Can you hear me?”

“Listen, Irene. Please tell the people of Detroit I'm on my way.”

“Did you say Detroit?”

“Yes, Irene, Detroit. They're building a winner there and I build winners."

“Hello???”

“Irene, turn me on speaker, dammit. We're going to turn the Mustangs into a basketball powerhouse. We're gonna be ballsy bullies on the hardwood. We're gonna have balls of *static hiss* steel.”

“MR. STEELMAN, SIR!” Irene exclaimed dramatically in outrage.

“BALLS OF STEEL, IRENE,” Steelman shouted back.

Irene threw up her hands in pure shock, her delicate senses overwhelmed.

“Did you hear me, Irene? Irene? I said BALLS OF ST––“

** click **

Irene smoothed out her dress and took a big breath and smiled politely.

“Well, I suppose you heard the man. Halcyon Sports Group is purchasing the Detroit Mustangs.”

 
I am thrilled to be your rival. It’s on like Donkey Kong my man!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 21, 2021

Port Moody, BC, Canada - A mysterious teenager with long hair, who would only refer to himself as Combat Baby, came up to a podium today at Bubba Sports and Entertainment headquarters, located just outside of Vancouver, and gave a surprising announcement:

"I am here today to announce my purchase of the Omaha Barnstormers."

When asked why he would purchase a team whose very establishment he was opposed to as recently as almost three months ago, he refused to comment. He also refused to take any questions from the gathered (socially distant) members of the local sports media, and quickly departed the press room.

Last edited by dvdbubba27 (3/21/2021 6:53 pm)

For Immediate Release:

Roseville, Minnesota

World renowned prosecutor Miles Edgeworth is at it again and has made a third purchase in the sports world, this time in the Twin Cities, by purchasing the Minnesota Giants basketball team. In a press conference at the foot of the new arena located in Roseville, wearing a navy Giants jacket, he announced, “With my base currently being Kansas City, this city is a perfect place to be a satellite location. I would like to proudly announce I am the new owner of the Minnesota Giants.”

The 28 year old is currently being looked at to possibly return to his native Los Angeles to become the Chief Prosecutor, when asked, he answered, “I would be honored to, but I’ll still consider the current base here in the Midwest as my home.”

Minnesota heartthrob known as Section 30 has been almost a shoo-in to receive this franchise, so Prosecutor Edgeworth’s swipe of the team in a similar fashion to how he took Charlotte was kind of a shock, especially with threats against peoples’ kneecaps coming from Section. Edgeworth’s response, “Bold of him to assume he can catch me to level my kneecaps.”

It’s been a rough go for him in other sports, but he’s looking to build the reputation back up with this endeavor, “I’ve had a tough time with injuries and overall underachieving, but I’m hoping to bounce back with this endeavor in basketball.”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

“...you want what?”

Andy: “Tossed salad and scrambled eggs!”

“Sir this is a Wendy’s"

Andy: “You obviously are not a man of culture.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about. Quit holding up the line because we have 12 triple baconators on deck that we gotta get out.”

Andy: “Screw this, I’m going to Starbucks.”


If you couldn’t tell by my Frasier and Starbucks hints, I’m bringing basketball back to the Emerald City where it belongs.

Last edited by ANDY! (3/22/2021 12:11 pm)

After the dream of his hometown team falling to him, Minnesotan Section30 took to a livestream to announce his pick in the AltBA team draft. "The decision to take the Giants at such a late place of the draft was not much of a surprise, but it doesn't make it hurt any less" he stated. "I am a man of my word and Edgeworth better watch HIS F#&%ING BACK..." Section's pet cat Todd held him back, preventing him from damaging his computer in a fit of rage.

After smoking a bowl and calming down, S30 returned to the stream appearing to have mellowed out a bit. "Sorry about that everyone, I don't know what came over me... That said I am proud to announce that I will proudly be taking over as the owner for the..." Just then, Todd whispered in his ear something the mic couldn't pick up and Section began to change his tone. "Before I get to that let me first just say this. In the eyes of our lord and savior Neal Pionk, Patron Saint of Omaha, I hereby declare that I will not rest until Miles Edgeworth's kneecaps are nothing but rubble." After a couple seconds of staring blankly into the camera he then added "Oh also, Go Gladiators!" flipping off the camera and abruptly bringing the stream to an end.

Philly Philly