Alternate History Sports

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Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/27/2023 7:25 pm

Steelman
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0001.ad (After Death Edition)

VHS discovered that Inky Mauricio had corrupted the AA-Ron Edition script so he had to code a new one called 0001.ad (After Death Edition) to find more directors. AD spit out a new director named Max Maxsik, owner of Maxmax Inc, a Big Pharma company with bad reviews and shady business practices that still somehow owned half of the pharmaceutical world. Maxsik was supposedly a real doctor but nobody knew exactly when or how he graduated because he hadn't left his sick bed since he was five years old. He was diagnosed with a terminal illness as an infant but he still hadn't died yet, leading some to believe he had possibly discovered or invented the Hedge of Life. He became a nerd-genius and made a ton of shame inventing medical products. His nurse, Darnell, made most of his public appearances for him. Maxsik utilized Beezus' holographic technology quite often, much to the chagrin of his business partner, fellow billionaire tech genius Mark Z. Czuchs, founder of Atem and the social platform Facegram. Mark Z., the half-brother-cousin of Poot N., had lost most of his marbles to corruption and shame decay, but he was still one of the most powerful men in the sphere, keeping his fortune going by data-mining sphere citizens and selling it to Beezus and others. Maxsik used his partnership to form a new Retroliga franchise called Maxelltron.

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He liked it because it had the name Max in it. For that very reason he had bought and bankrupted a company called Maxell from the 90's. That company previously featured a guy being blown away by sound but he thought that was dumb and introduced his Dalmatian named Tron as the mascot instead. The logo features Tron the Dalmatian in pilot goggles and a scarf clearly going very fast, which Tron never did in real life. Tron only sat on Max's polar bear rug all day. The Flying Dalmatians will feature Max Red, Ma

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/27/2023 2:53 am

Steelman
Replies: 15

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https://i.imgur.com/Updlcbt.png

0001.ba the fan club


The Deuce Portal: Baywatch Edition will enter prospective fans into its randomly-generated algorithm and decide on a team for that fan to support until their dying breath. Fans must agree to include a shoutout to the team in their eventual obituary. True Obits will receive vested interest in that team's fan club and board of advisors and be involved in decision making on occasion.

If you are truly brave, you may decide to cast your lot now with only 2/8 teams revealed and receive extra rewards. But if you must wait until more identities are revealed the Baywatch will understand. Mostly. Probably. The Baywatch will not judge if you choose to choose your own fandom. Probably.

Will you be a True Obit? If you are brave enough, sign up here.

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/26/2023 9:12 pm

Steelman
Replies: 15

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https://i.imgur.com/LSNpHZl.png

0001.bb (Ralphie Parker Edition)

Whilst JJJ von Heimer-Schmidt was getting some bugs out of his code, a new script was thrown together and the Deuce Portal gobbled it up before he could test it. Jumping ahead in the algorithm saga sphere, 0001.bb (Ralphie Parker Edition) spit out a brand new media portal with two reporters and sports desk anchors named Stan Deff and Hai Rez.

Stan Deff looked suspiciously like a cross between the Planter's Peanuts man and the Colonel from KFC. He was old school hockey. Grouchy and gout-filled, Deff was a pain in the backside but he knew more about hockey than most. (He an Oldie Oldfield played together back in the day) He was a bit of a Nostradamus when it came to plays on ice, leading some to call him the Wizard, which he hated.

Hai Rez was a dead ringer for an anime character. Vaguely Asian, big eyes, very short and petite, quite shy and reserved. She grew up as a photographer and media savant. She was a master with highlight videos and possessed perfect recall of every hockey play she'd ever seen. Her photographic memory was rare and incredible. Even being shy and quiet, she was a professional presenter and reporter. At least until Stan said something offensive and then her inner tiger would erupt, transforming from shy to ferocious. It made for great media.

The Deff-Rez Report will be the primary news outlet for breaking news and stories in the Retroliga, providing analysis and opinion as well.

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/26/2023 9:09 pm

Steelman
Replies: 15

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Stickman wrote:

This is a really fun (and funny!) idea for a project, loving the deep space AI idea and the characters there are coming out of it!  Keep up the good work!

Thanks! I thought this might be right up your alley!

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/19/2023 7:22 pm

Steelman
Replies: 15

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0001.aa more clubs

Dipping back into the AA-Ron Edition script (0001.aa), VHS found a second Director named Inky Mauricio, a greasy slickster who owned a treacherous company called K-Inc. Inky was infamous for every inch of his immoral body being covered in tattoos. Inky owned stakes in hundreds of companies and also did some land shark loans on the side. His small army of half-android tattooed Inkmos kept his debtors in line. Inky inherited the old company Kodak from his great granddaddy and promptly ran it into the ground before turning to the dark side of sharking. Inky partnered with fellow weasel Nole Skum to form a new franchise named Kodakmo. The name is shortened from Kodak Moment, a phrase Inky grew up hearing way too many times.

https://i.imgur.com/ldadZ5y.png
https://i.imgur.com/FrBPXtM.png

The logo features a futuristic vintage astronaut, a nod to old Kodak adverts from his granddaddy, and Nole Skum's infamous Aero-X company, which he was trying to revive and make relevant again. The color scheme is Momento Gold, Radiant Red, and Brilliant Cream. The uniforms feature half-cut sleeve yokes and a hollow shoulder yoke with wide cascading line striping inset in the sleeves and half-cascades on the hems and socks. The jerseys are paired with red breezers with simple striping. The number system is a square-ish sans-serif typeface. Kodakmo decided not to feature broadcast number for unexplained reasons but when asked, Inky said it was because his granddaddy said not to have them. The alternate patch is a single-color roundel with an inset K and star. The patch is not featured on the uniform, or anywhere else for that matter, another choice attributed to Granddaddy.

It is also supposed that Granddaddy was involved in hiring the ancient Oldie Oldfield to fill the role of Skipper for the team. Oldfield has been around since the beginning of hockey and has probably forgotten more hockey than anyone currently knows. He's senile

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/17/2023 2:16 am

Steelman
Replies: 15

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0001.aa-0001.ac the first club and persons

The Deuce Portal: AA-Ron Edition produced a handful of talented directors. The first to enter the portal was Polly Royce, founder of a beauty products company called PolRoy. Her nickname of “Polar Queen” was not by accident as she was a fierce and cutthroat businesswoman with an icy personality but a perfectly symmetrical face and a very long blond ponytail. VHS decided to pair her with Beezus' flagship franchise to help keep him in check. Polly and Beezus, through his hapless assistant stand-in double Suzeeb (via hologram), named the club Polarroid. The name was supposed to have an uppercase R in Roid, but Suzeeb forgot to type it in, much to Beezus' ire.

https://i.imgur.com/65MyOas.png
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The logo features an angry polar bear with roided out bloodshot eyes wearing a winter beanie and a color scheme of Royal Beezus Black, Roidy Red, Polly Pink, and Furry Cream. A secondary logo patch is a diamond with an inset paw and the initials of both Directors. A wordmark is the only thing to denote the uppercase R that Beezus was so enraged about. The uniforms feature Beezus Black primary sweaters with triple horizontal striping and a shoulder yoke paired with red shells. The club uses a wide sans-serif number type with double strokes. The NOB and broadcast numbers are flat.

After VHS ran two new scripts, including 0001.ab (Six-Pack Edition) and 0001.ac (ACXME.EXE Edition), Polly was first to choose a team Skipper and Advisor from the Deuce Portal. The Skipper would be responsible for coaching, training, running the bench, making substitutions, and calling formations for the team. The Advisor would bring a specialty to assist the Skipper and occasionally the Director.

With Polarroid receiving first choice as the flagship franchise, Polly chose Liz Vizcarrondo to be Skipper. Lizzy Viz was a visionary and one of the first female hockey players to

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/10/2023 11:18 pm

Steelman
Replies: 15

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https://i.imgur.com/KikXAtw.png


0001.a the first iteration

The first person to enter the Deuce Portal into the Ligasphere was a woman known simply as O. She appeared as a Prime Defender with Unicorn abilities. She possessed captain materiel qualities and a bright if somewhat stoic exterior. VHS selected her to be the spokesperson for Retroliga affairs. Before VHS could attend to other business, a second person appeared through the portal. A Prime Winger named Danny Heater. A Heavy Shooter with huge knees and tiny arms, Heater didn't even have time to introduce himself before a red light and siren went off, shaking LigaHQ.

Suddenly the holographic form of the second incarnation of Jeff Beezus himself appeared. Bald, short, white, and completely roided out with veins popping out of his neck, Beezus looked every part a megalomaniac. With O and Heater shivering in shame, VHS brashly asked what he was doing there. Beezus, the controlling partner of The World, and acting chairperson over the Tribunal of Five, said that his corporation, Nozama Corp, wanted controlling interest in the new enterprise. VHS was brash once again and steadfastly refused until Beezus threatened to Trojanmule the Deuce Portal. VHS agreed to give 33% of Retroliga to Nozama for their cooperation and coding framework support and Beezus would be granted a controlling interest in the flagship franchise along with minor interest in two others. Since he had made regular steroid use mandatory during his reign after becoming a roiddict, Beezus wanted naming rights as well, fully intending to promote his corporate brand of personal roids.

Beezus was interrupted by an annoying bleep-bleep on his bPhone and it was the T5 calling. Six people ruled The World, each getting a 7-year turn. The other five populated the Tribunal and made decisions on technology when the chairperson was too roided out to communicate. The leader of the pack, and presumptuous next-in-line (NIL) was Nole Skum, a we

Hockey » Retroliga: The Saga » 1/09/2023 9:36 pm

Steelman
Replies: 15

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https://i.imgur.com/YMfyPgi.png


In the latter years of the reign of Beezus, one JJJ von Heimer-Schmidt longed for the days of yesteryear. A nerd boy genius blessed by Beezus, VHS, as he was known, decided to bring humanity together to play his favorite sport and created the Video Cassette Recorder Capsule (VCR-C1) after divinely stumbling into a previously hidden basement cloaked in the Shame of Teal, stocked chock full of vintage VHS tapes and VCRs. He dubbed it the Vintage Hockey Saga in honor of his initials but it soon became known simply as Retroliga.

Locked and forgotten in the basement of 90's glam, VHS decided to construct a deep space AI called the Deuce Portal to bring in people to populate the league and see what happened. No bias was given toward ethnicity, gender, age, or experience.

This is their saga, as told by JJJ von Heimer-Schmidt.
 

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