Alternate History Sports / The AltFL Season 2021

**Posted by dvdbubba27** 8/17/2021 6:39 pm

To whom it may concern:

I would like to clear up some misconceptions with regards to the last two days’ worth of developments.

According to the official AltFL Google Sheet, Pete Carroll is the head coach of the Portland Grizzlies and Jerome Bettis is the head coach of the Los Angeles Sabercats.

At this time, neither of them, nor Dabo Sweeney, nor Doug Pederson, are employed by the Arizona Scorpions nor Bubba Sports and Entertainment in any capacity. Byron Leftwich is the legitimate head coach of the Scorpions, as I announced yesterday.

This will be my only official statement on the matter. I hope you understand my words, and I thank you for reading.

Take care,
dvdbubba27
Owner/President/General Manager, Arizona Scorpions

Last edited by dvdbubba27 (8/17/2021 7:44 pm)

**Posted by JamHeronArk** 8/17/2021 6:54 pm

The Great Plains of the United States of America (AP)
As the ongoing spectacle that is the head coaching carousel continued to whirl throughout the week, flinging unsuspecting teams into complete bureaucratic disarray, timeless and untameable international(?) figure(?) J. H. Ark held a press conference live over a modified Myspace clone to clarify(?) the head coach situation in Dallas/Fort Worth for the upcoming situation. Mr. Ark said, "He's just a Bill. Yes, he's only a Bill. And Belichick is with the Bandits still. Well, it's a long, long way to training camp in North Dakota, and it's a long, long wait till our scrimmage against 'Sota. But he'll be back on our sidelines once again! Oh, I hope and pray that he will, but today, he is still just a Bill."

In other team news, a procrastinator's race has finished today, with the Bandits on the losing side. The debonair(?) Mr. Ark also announced a trade that was agreed upon over one month ago under the benevolent gaze of the ever-present commissioner, Gritty. The Carolina Reapers are sending minor asset RB James Conner (a.k.a. JamCon [yes, the nickname's new]) to the Bandits in exchange for the indescribable WR Marvin Jones. This trade has not been described by neutral parties as "groovy," "good," "generous," or "gruntling" because this trade has not been described by neutral parties at the time this issue goes to press.

**Posted by Darknes** 8/17/2021 7:03 pm

I'm willing to talk trades potentially for something in the backfield

**Posted by CCLXXXVII** 8/17/2021 7:21 pm

I've got a couple trade ideas in mind as well before I get my cuts together. If anyone's down DM me here or on Discord.

**Posted by Stickman** 8/17/2021 8:11 pm

Los Angeles, California

In a shocking 3rd press conference involving the Los Angeles Sabercats, it was not Football Stickman, but rather Hockey Stickman that stepped up to the podium, surrounded by his personal bodyguards, Football Stickman's pet whiner dogs Ketchup and Mustard, Basketball Stickman's Gator Boys, and also his transgendered bearded leprechaun assistant Nancy.

"My lawyer tells me I'm supposed to make a statement regarding my actions towards Portland Grizzlies head coach Jerome Bettis in order to avoid getting sued by Steelman for too many offenses to count.... and I have to pay a predetermined sum of money to him for personal insult..... big deal, I kidnapped you coach...damn crybaby, " he began. Upon fierce glares from Nancy, the wiener dogs, and likely the Gator Boys, he winced and quickly added, "Me is sowwy! Pu-wease forgive me Steel!..... oh and Jerome....in retrospect, the mariachi music was a bad taste..." After a loud shriek and thud, (Bettis still had PTSD it seemed), reporter Johnny Armando of AltESPN asked him.... why? Stickman's answer couldn't be more shocking.

"Well, it started late last season. Coach Doug Pederson had just benched Carson Wentz for Sabercats QB backup Taysom Hill. Carson was so offended and upset that, knowing I was in charge of Doug's new contract, he came to me and told me that his relationship with Pederson was irreparably damaged and would demand a trade if his contract was renewed. Plus, he threatened to steal my Beanie Baby collection.... so I fired Doug on the spot and you know the rest. That reminds me... CARSON!!!!! WHERE ARE MY BEANIE BABIES?!?!?!! I WANT MY BINKY AND WINKY BACK, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!", Hockey Stickman screamed as he threw himself upon the floor and had himself a temper tandrum. He was dragged away by his bodyguards, all while Ketchup glared at him, (Mustard had already been removed by trying to hump Stickman's head while he bawled).

Shortly after Hockey's removal, Football Stickman appeared and stepped up to the podium, clearly perturbed by what he had experienced. "Anyway...... rumors regarding our star quarterback being responsible for Doug Pederson's firing are.... possibly true, although that doesn't excuse Hockey Stickman for his awful behavior. As for who our new head coach will be, since Doug clearly doesn't want back... can't blame him I suppose...... to appease Mr. Wentz, let's say Frank Reich.... I think he's available. Anyway, let us all hope this chaos never happens again.... Goodnight."

Last edited by Stickman (8/17/2021 8:15 pm)

**Posted by Gritty** 8/21/2021 6:02 pm

REMINDER!

Keeper Deadline is this Monday, August 23.

**Posted by Thehealthiestscratch** 8/22/2021 12:04 pm

Just doing some last minute cleaning around the KC office. Does anyone need a DB? Open to any offer.

**Posted by sportsfan7** 8/22/2021 1:21 pm

Hey Gritty, just a heads up, but your inbox is full so we can't PM you our picks

**Posted by Thehealthiestscratch** 8/23/2021 3:20 pm

TRADE ALERT
At roster deadline, it was the two spookiest teams in the league who came together to help each other become more frightening.

The San Antonio Phantoms will build their defense/future by receiving (DB) Jessie Bates and KC's 2021 2nd Round FA Draft Pick.

In return, the Kansas City Scarecrows receive (WR) Allen Robinson.

Last edited by Thehealthiestscratch (8/23/2021 5:03 pm)

**Posted by ProsecutorMilesEdgeworth** 8/24/2021 1:46 pm

Etienne most likely out for the year? My God, he fits perfectly with St. Louis…